Brothers or Mortal Enemies?

I knew after I had my first son that I would want to have at least one more child. And when I became pregnant with my second son, I envisioned fostering a healthy sibling relationship. My boys would grow and learn together; they would play and have many boyish adventures.

I myself have an older brother that I see and interact with very often. As an adult I would even consider him one of my best friends, so naturally my boys would become best friends too. Right?

WRONG! I had forgotten that me and my brother were most certainly NOT friends as children, We fought...a lot. If fact, I was recently reminded by my father that we actually hated each other through our entire childhood, and it wasn't until my brother moved out at the age of 19, that we began to finally get along. See ancient photo of me and my brother.

Of course now that my memory has been jogged, I do remember a few of the more significant fights me and my brother and I had as children, but I have more fond memories than bad. Spending hours playing outside, building a very unstable treehouse, playing king of the diving board or shark in the pool. Even later as teenagers in high school we would have Halo lan parties and we were both so good all our friends said we couldn't be on the same team or it wasn't fair.

My hope is that my boys form similar memories, but their current interactions have me questioning if they will ever get along. They are constantly fighting. And not just arguing, but physically pushing and hitting. My two year old, who is characteristically more gentle and empathetic, does not back down from his stronger, older brother and will often fight dirty, biting and scratching. Sometimes even drawing blood. I often find my self wondering why can't my kids just play nicely together?

Why can't my kids just play nicely together?

Being a younger sibling myself, I find myself automatically defending the smaller one, but now as the parent I can see that my sweet baby boy is often the instigator and perhaps not so sweet after all. Having to constantly referee, often gets me frustrated, and I am really not sure if I making the right judgement in every instance.

Actual photo of my boys.

Even though most of the time they are picking at each other or fighting over some insignificant toy or blanket, I want to believe that someday they will grow closer and learn to respect each other. For now all I can do is try to keep them from scratching each other's eyes out. And who knows, maybe they will band together once their baby sister starts to add her two cents.

One thing is for certain, I'll be playing the role of judge and jury for the foreseeable future. Determining who had it first, whose turn it is, who started it, and what is fair.